If I would’ve spent about two seconds less deciding what cheese was a better buy, I might not be dealing with this right now –I thought to myself as my toddler twins were melting down into full-out tantrum mode in the check-out line.
Nothing was making them happy. We already ate our free cookie from the bakery. None of the books or dolls we brought along were good enough. You know, I’m not even sure now why they were crying and they probably didn’t know themselves. At this point though, I really needed that cashier to scan and bag a little faster so I could get out of this public establishment before I lost my ever-loving mind.
Then, I saw her.
A middle-aged woman was standing behind me in line just staring. I was scared to look her in the eyes because I figured she would meet me with a look of impatience or annoyance. She’s out just trying to get her groceries too, probably in a hurry, probably tired of waiting on me and very likely: probably sick of hearing my toddlers scream and watching me do nothing about it at the moment.
After those four or five minutes of torture were coming to an end, the girls started to calm down a little after they met eyes with our sweet little bagging lady who offered them stickers (anything at this point – apparently the whole store was desperate).
As I finished checking out and slid my card, I could still feel the eyes of the woman behind me. I always see my fellow mom-friends posting these awful stories of comments made to them by strangers in the grocery store, criticizing them for the way their child is acting in public. I figured that I was about to collect some material for writing one of “those” posts too as I felt her watching me so close. I felt like the least I could do is apologize for keeping her waiting and for having to listen to not just one cry, but two, in-sync, harmonious cries, in a chorus where they felt the need to escalate their volume over-top of the other. {oh the joys of motherhood}
When our eyes finally met, I was surprised to see a warm smile looking back at me. She said, “I remember those days” as she shook her head and softly laughed. I haphazardly smiled back and said, “well, I try to do this right before nap time, so that I’m able to put them to bed as soon as we are home. Then I can unload and put away my groceries in peace, but my plan always seems to backfire every time.”
Nodding in agreement she said, “Oh yes, I know exactly what you are talking about, I’m a twin mom myself.”
“Really?” I said as relief fell over me, “then how do you handle grocery store trips?!”
“Well, my baby girls are 43 now so it’s been a little while but I remember them looking exactly like this, actually,” she chuckled.
My heart sank with those words as I watched her look over my shoulder to the cart where the girls were now as cool as cucumbers, showing their new friend, the bagger, their dolls and stickers.
She reminiscently looked over and smiled at them saying, “Mama, they are just doing what little girls do.”
As I moved forward to leave, I was trying to hold back the tears as our bagging lady said, “why don’t I help you out to your car, ma’am”, as if she just knew there was no sense in asking if she could because I obviously needed the help.
This lady was a generation older than my fellow twin-mom friend behind me. Her laugh-line-formed wrinkles seemed to have lots of stories and wisdom behind them. I could tell she was completely enamored with my girls because pure joy was radiating from the smile she was giving them.
As we walked to the car together, she asked a few common twin questions like how old were they, were they identical, etc. She helped me get them all buckled in and settled, then we turned to start unloading the cart.
“It seems like it’s going on nap time soon,” she said. I replied, “Yes ma’am, it is, but the nice thing is once we are home I can lay them down and unload my car afterward.”
As she grabbed the bags she said, “well honey you should really get them to start paper bagging your cold stuff”. Kind of confused but curious I responded, “Oh yeah?”
She said, “Heaven’s yes, sweetheart. You always ask for your cold stuff to be put in paper bags. That way when you get home, you know to grab those first and if it’s hours later before you can unload the rest of car why then it’s okay!”
She continued talking as we loaded more groceries. “And you see these bags with canned goods and jars? You want to tie them up real tight and then tuck one loop inside the other like this,” she demonstrated, “then the handles will hold up to the weight of the bag and save you a broken toe or busted can or two. I can’t tell you how many times I ruined a pair of slacks due to tomato sauce splattering up my leg.”
I never knew there were so many tips and tricks for bagging groceries. But I couldn’t help but smile as she graciously shared her little bits of grocery-bagging-wisdom with me. I felt for a moment like I had my Nanu (my late great-grandmother) with me again, she too sure loved “giving us advice”.
As we finished loading the last little bit, she said, “you sure do have your hands full dear but always remember you are doubly blessed. They grow up too fast, so enjoy it while it’s here. You girls have a good day now!”
As she gathered the carts to leave us, I thanked her and as I pulled away tears poured down my face. I almost wanted to load her up too and take her home with me.
Just as I thought that I was at my wit’s end for the day, these two gracious angels stepped in and reminded me it was going to be okay. But better than that, they helped me see that these little moments are numbered.One day I’m going to be that woman with 43-year-old twin girls reminiscing in the check-out line back to THIS day. Then shortly after that, I’ll be the one with silver hair and a sweet wrinkle-faced smile watching other young mothers live decades behind me while I pour out any small bits of wisdom I can to help them face their day.
It seems like sometimes “mom world” can be a tough place. Everyone has an opinion of what and how you should be doing it. Then as you choose a different way, the judgment cloud rolls over-head! But on this particular day, I saw “mom world” as it should be. These precious women weren’t asking me if I breastfed exclusively or if I feed my kids organic meat. They weren’t telling me how to keep a toddler from screaming in the store by having rational conversations with them.
They just simply smiled and said, “I’ve been there too, cherish it.”
God used these two women to speak to me that day, bringing me to a particular passage of scripture that I’ve read over a million times. However this time, I saw it in a new light.
Titus 2:3-5
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”
I feel like I could write a book on these three verses here, but right now I just want to focus on one part: teaching what is good.
Titus 2 sets up the perfect picture and process of how one generation can inspire the next to live in a God-honoring way. They are to teach the good in order to encourage love, self-control, purity, diligence, kindness, and respect.
Today, these women simply taught me the good. As simple as our interactions and conversations went, I walked away feeling encouraged, not discouraged. I found that self-control I was needing before I lost my mind over my tantrum-throwing toddlers.
This inspired me to take a look at my own life to see where I could begin teaching what is good. Although my age and experience categorize me more in the “young women” section of Titus 2, I’m still a living a decade ahead of younger women that are just beginning their journeys into the next step of adulthood: choosing colleges, careers, friends, jobs, new towns, etc. They soon will be right where I am, in a grocery store line with screaming toddlers.
Speaking of those screaming toddlers, whose primary responsibility is it to teach the good to them? Me -their mother who needs daily encouragement to keep loving them through all their unlovable moments, setting an example before them to also be teachers of the good one day.
My point is, nearly all women, no matter what age, are called out in this passage to be teaching the good. Different seasons in our lives will dictate whether we will be spending more time learning to thrive in what is good when our nests are full or learning to share that good with others when our nests are empty.
So I’ve decided to make it my mission to seek out that good. I am blessed to be surrounded by older women that love and encourage me daily with this kind of teaching. I want to be sure to soak it all in while learning to thrive in these moments as a young wife and mother. Just as importantly though, I realize that I am called to share it with others too. I’m making it my goal to let this blog be a place for that.
I want to challenge you today to think about your impact on the next generation of women behind you. There may be only one or you may be blessed with a silver crown of wisdom to share with those several generations behind you. Wherever you’re at, I challenge you to find those moments and be the Titus 2 type of woman God has called you to be….and start paper-bagging that cold stuff!
Thank you for reading! If this inspired you in any way, I want to know! Send me an email at southernmeetsmennonite@gmail.
Love it..will be an IBSPIRATION to all young mothers. You brought tears thinking of my two children who were 20 months apart. Enjoy every second with those precious girls and also congrats on the news of the new arrival.
Absolutely perfectly WRITTEN! Loved it. Thank you for sharing the scripture too! A Reminder of what is ExpecteD of a Woman. Time does fly, dont stress the small stuff.
This is my first time reading, absolutly beautiful!