When God Gave Us Two

We were celebrating our first year wedding anniversary on a cruise to the Bahamas when I declared that’s it, December 1st I’m going on a diet! This was ridiculous. I had just bought size *cough cough* shorts a week before we went and I was already having trouble buttoning them. The bloating and being uncomfortable had to go; enough was enough. Then there was the fact that I stayed so nauseous and had terrible acid re flux. I figured it had to be the motion sickness from the ship. Despite my shorts not buttoning and my esophagus burning, we had a fantastic time. Little did we know, that cruise would be our last vacation as a family of two.

I’ll never forget the day, December 23, 2015.  We had known we were pregnant for about three weeks since the cruise and were headed to have our first look at our sweet Baby Campbell. There’s not quite enough words to adequately express all the feelings and emotions that come over you when you find out you’re going to be a mother; excitement, joy, hope, fear, anticipation, worry and so much more was floating through my thoughts. What will they look like? Who will they grow up to be? Am I really qualified and ready for this responsibility; raising up a child and teaching them how to function in our society?

Then there were the words of my maternal grandmother, Gran, that were still ringing in my head. We had just learned after doing some research that her maternal grandmother had boy/girl twins. The twin gene had completed its fabled “skipping of a generation” and landed to Gran. She had my twin uncles when my mom was two. “You never know, it could happen”, she said to me as we were sitting around in the living room of our camp house in North Florida.

“It’s not going to happen”, Weldon said as we were driving to our appointment, “I’m not worried about it and you shouldn’t either, not for our first pregnancy.” I laughed and said, “Well, when they tell us that we have one healthy baby today, then I’ll stop worrying”.

Where the thought and the ideas that twins could ever happen for me came from, I really do not know. I never gave it thought until we found out we were expecting. Does everyone toss this idea around in their mind or am I just too much of a what-if thinker? There always has to be a sense of worry when you have your first ultrasound regardless of thinking that there could be twins. Will they find the heartbeat? Will everything be “normal”?

The tech started the ultrasound with the screen only facing her. After a few seconds, which felt like hours from the anticipation, she said, “Well you are definitely pregnant.” Relief flooded over me in all it’s forms. It was real. My dreams of becoming a mommy were happening. I had always hoped for this type of moment. But then our world was rocked when she said with a smirk on her face, “and I have even better news, there’s two.”

Do you have a certain object or place you go that every time you see it, it brings back a vivid memory or story from your past? Like when I look at a certain oak tree in the driveway of my parents’ yard, I reminisce to my childhood on the times that my brother Bryant told me to run as he roped my feet out from under me. Sweet memories, right? December 23, 2015 the ceiling tiles of that exam room became another one of the objects for me. Laying there looking up at them with Weldon beside me I exclaimed, “we just became a family of four!”

I don’t remember much of what else was said specifically in the next few moments from all the shock but I do remember hearing the breathtaking sounds of two strong and healthy heartbeats. How could this be? The miracle of two lives were formed and now growing inside of me.  The tech turned the screen around for us to see and I was in awe. When the exam was complete I remember we both grabbed each other and cried.

I didn’t think we could handle having any more emotions after this moment, until we started calling our family and friends. We cried, laughed, squealed and then cried some more. I remember having to go back to my ultrasound picture and stare, just to remind myself it was real. There were two! Two tiny hearts were beating inside, so perfectly and so miraculously. Even now over a year later since these moments, we still sit back amazed that we actually had two.

When God gives you two, it really does leave you with a lot of questions. At first it was the safety and logistics of carrying twins in the first place. You start reading of problematic pregnancies and deliveries then worry and fear fill your mind. As with any pregnancy, the beginning stages are fragile. I was so scared that I’d get my hopes up for something that may not happen.

As my pregnancy continued, we saw God’s faithfulness and protection prevail over us time and time again. Every test and ultrasound came back with positive results. Even towards the end when my preeclampsia set in, God kept us safe. He provided peace for my worries and strength for my fears.

Then I struggled with the anxiety of having two babies to care for altogether. How would feedings work? What do you do when they both are screaming? Would I be able to equally share my love and attention between two children right off the bat? To be honest, God never answered these specific questions for me. His Spirit never came and spoke to me to tell me that when both are crying put one in the rock-n-play to rock it with your foot while you hold the other. He didn’t tell me the secret to an over abundant supply of milk nor did He ever send any warnings signs that I was holding one for too long and it was time to hold the other.

But I’ll tell you what He did do. He reminded me first of His grace. I was going to do everything I could to do what was right for my girls but in the end there would probably be things I’d do in the process that weren’t right. His grace would cover me in my imperfections, not to give me the out to quit trying but the assurance that if I did fall, He’d be there to catch me. Then He reminded me of His strength. On the days when I would feel like I just could not go on any longer, He would renew me with his strength. He would give me what I needed to make it through one more crying spell, one more feeding, one more diaper change, and one more hour without sleep.

Last,  He reminded me of His love.  Why we were chosen to have two, I’ll never know. But what I do know is that He has a purpose in His glorious plan for all of us. He’s weaving a perfect tapestry, piece by piece using me, using you,  and our ordinary lives to create an extraordinary masterpiece. All of our stories are being woven in right alongside the amazing faith stories of Moses, Daniel, Esther, Mary, and Paul. He has an extraordinary plan for the things He chooses for us to go through but it is our job to seek out what He wants to teach us through it.

I may never know why, but through the seasons of motherhood, I’ll learn the what’s. I’ll learn what kind of patience it takes, what kind of grace it takes, what kind of strength it takes and what kind of love it takes. God will grow me in ways that I never thought were possible. His love will be poured out over me to carry me through each day. He has given me two wonderful little blessings that I feel so unworthy of yet I’m so incredibly humbled that they are mine. My heart truly overflows with love for my precious babies. I know that kind of love can only come from Him.

Maybe you’re reading this today wondering how you are going to make it through. And I’m sure that it’s way more than just figuring out how you are going to raise twins. It could be the loss of loved one, a job, or good health. Or maybe it’s the chaos of a relationship that is strained or the heartache of a betrayal or disappointment. Can I tell you though that my God is faithful? He WILL provide you with His grace, His strength, His mercy, and His endless love.

When God gave us two, it left us with lots of questions that only can be answered with our faith in Jesus. If you are struggling today with whatever you are facing, let me encourage you to trust in His love right now. I’d love to pray with and talk to you about it too. Send me a message!

Stay tuned for more of our journey of When God Gave Us Two.